Best Ship Around
by That one Mudkip
Summary: What do you get when mixing two goddesses who are off their rocker, an angel with a strange case of who-knows-what, Phosphora, and a terrified Pit? Confusion, of course. Lots and lots of confusion.


**Before we get started with this story, I do wanna say some things first.**

**I, and this is important kiddies, am NOT BASHING ANY SHIP. You can ship whatever you gosh darn want to, and I don't care (except for you two asshats from Simply Haridi). This was just a funny idea I had in mind when I had a small conversation with a Pitlutena and PhosphoraxPit shipper in the YouTube comment sections of one of Chuggaaconroy's KIU LP's videos. Then, a Pitcest shipper got involved, and... Yeah. No harm is intended towards anyone or anything. If I do happen to get flamed and accused of bashing, I will just guess that you are illiterate when it comes to bolded words.**

**Another thing, the characters are OOC. Like, all of them. I don't even think Phosphora would be considered in-character. Especially one certain character...**

**Others things you should know:**

**-I should be sleeping at the time I'm writing this**

**-Legitimately the only thing that's keeping me going is Knuckle's Swaggy Dance.**

**Also, this fic is biased. Distaste is shown to couples I don't like, and Pit is obviously going to choose the one that would make the couple I like the best.**

**Without further ado, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own.**

Best Ship Around

Pit woke up to Phosphora in his bed.

"AGH!" He yelled. "What the-" Phosphora giggled.

"Hey Pit~" She purred. Pit backed away from her, ending up falling out of his bed with a thump.

"Uh... What are you doing here?" Pit asked nervously. "Specifically, what are you doing in my bed?!"

"Pit?" Palutena's voice called out nearby. He sighed with relief. "What's going on?"

"Um..." Pit hesitated. How exactly do you say "Phosphora's in my bed" without making it sound really weird?

"Oh, ignore her," Phosphora brushed aside, leaning close to Pit so their faces were inches apart. "I say we have a little fun, how about it?"

Pit responded by running out of the room, screaming. While on his way out, he bumped into Palutena.

"What's wrong?" Palutena asked him.

"I-It's Phosphora!" Pit cried. "She was in my bed, and-" Pit didn't get to finish, as Palutena walked past him to his room. He reluctantly followed.

"Phosphora!" Palutena yelled. "What were you trying to do-" As Pit walked back in, Palutena wrapped her arms around him. "To my precious Pit?" Pit's eyes widened.

"Wait, what?!"

"Oh, Pit! You know I wouldn't let Phosphora do anything to you!" She giggled.

"Uh, hey, I'm right here!" Phosphora said angrily. "And Pit is mine!"

"No, he's not," Palutena replied. "Pit belongs with me!" That's when Pit realized Palutena had lost it as well.

"NONONO NOT YOU TOO!" Pit screamed, struggling out of Palutena's arms and running out, this time out of Palutena's Temple. He jumped from the clouds, then remembering that he couldn't fly. Seriously, that's the worst time to forget. A beam of light shined over him, transporting him elsewhere. He ended up in Viridi's domain, which must of meant Viridi had saved him.

"Viridi!" Pit exclaimed happily when he saw the goddess. "Thanks for saving me back there."

"Geez!" Viridi scowled. "Phosphora AND Palutena? Have they both lost it?"

"Maybe..." Pit shrugged. "Well they can get me here... Right?" Viridi grinned and winked, like some "kawaii" anime schoolgirl.

"You can count on it!" Viridi promised. Pit sighed in relief.

"Thanks again, Viridi." Pit smiled. "Hopefully Lady Palutena will come back to her senses."

"Say, now that we're alone..." Viridi leaned in closer to Pit, their faces centimeters apart.

"Uh... Viridi...?" He hesitantly stepped back, but Viridi just moved even closer, so their lips were al-

"NOPE!" A voice yelled. "STOP, IN THE NAME OF LOVE!"

Pit recognized the voice immediately. "Pittoo?!" The dark angel himself stood at the other side of the room. "What are- Oh yeah, I forgot you worked for Viridi..."

"Pit, don't fall for her tricks!" Dark Pit exclaimed, dramatically placing a hand to his forehead and leaning back. Pit then noticed that the lighting in the room had drastically changed, and an increased number of cherry blossoms flying around the two. "You must know that I am the one that truly has your heart, because I am in love with you!" A faint sound of squealing was heard from a crowd of teenage girls. "So let's fly off into the sunset together, like we did when we defeated Hades, 'cuz that's when I realized my true feelings for you!" He grabbed Pit's hand and started to drag him off.

"But we CAN'T fly, Pittoo!" Pit cried. "We're gonna fall!"

"Of course we can fly! The great and powerful author of this story will let us do the impossible!" His eyes sparkled, quite literally.

"No I won't!"

"Sorry, but can't let that happen!" A chipper voice interrupted, Phosphora flying in. Palutena appeared there as well. All four of Pit's obsessed admirers were there.

"Nuh uh! Pit's mine!" Viridi wrapped her arms around Pit, which he immediately broke out of.

"I don't think so, Viridi. I'M the one who should get Pit!" Palutena walked towards him, Pit immediately backing away until his back touched the wall. The four surrounded him.

"SPARE ME, PLEASE! I BEG YOU!" Pit pleaded, covering his head with his arms and crouching into a ball. "I don't wanna be mauled by you guys!"

"I have an idea," Viridi said. "How about we let Pit choose who to be with! I mean, it's obvious that he'll choose me, but if he somehow chooses one of you three- Well, I won't argue!"

"Sounds fair, I guess," Phosphora shrugged. Palutena nodded in agreement. Dark Pit sighed.

"Oh, fine..." He sniffled. "But you better choose me, Pit!" Any and all urges to put "Senpai" after Pit were ignored.

"Uhm..." Pit said, confused. Who would he pick? Maybe the best one would be Palutena, since he spent his whole life with her, but it didn't feel right to be in an actual relationship. Same went with Pittoo, Phosphora, and Viridi.

"Well?" Viridi asked. Pit breathed deeply, getting to his feet.

"I've decided," He declared. "I choose..." Another deep breath.

"...

FLOOR ICE CREAM!" He brought out a cone of ice cream that had just been dropped on the ground, his face exploding with happiness. The other four's faces had gone blank as Pit danced away with his new love.

"Wut."

**What was that? Something beautiful.**

**-Mudkip**


End file.
